Weighty Issues

I have debated several times about posting about this. It's something that I will think, "Yeah, it's a good idea to post about this," and then as soon as I think that I will think, "Noooooo way! I don't want people to know my feelings about this!" Tonight I started thinking about it again, and I thought, "What the heck! Go ahead. It can't hurt." So, here goes.....

I am struggling with my weight. OK, it's out there. I can breathe a sigh of relief now. For those of you who have known me a long time (and maybe even not so long), you know I have always struggled with my weight. It is my constant enemy. Since college, my weight has been the one thing I have not been able to get control of totally. Oh sure, I will have times when I am doing well and keeping my weight under control. Then, other times my weight is controlling me instead of me controlling it. Now is one of those times.

After Sydney was born, I got back down to my pre-pregnancy weight pretty quickly. I was very happy about that! Steadily, however, over the past 18 months my weight has begun to start up the scale again, and I have now put on 10 lbs. Now, keep in mind that my pre-pregnancy weight was not ideal. Even then I was 20 lbs. heavier than I should have been. Now I am about 30 lbs. heavier than I should be. You may think 20 to 30 lbs. is no big deal, but on someone who is 5'1" it's a lot of extra weight to be carrying around. So, why did I let my weight creep back up after I got down to my pre-pregnancy weight? Why didn't I keep losing weight and get down to my "goal weight" once and for all? Good questions. I have been asking myself those two questions A LOT lately, and I am trying to figure out the answers. Here are a few of my thoughts...

First, I don't exercise enough. Now, I know the "experts" will say, "All you need is 30 minutes a day to exercise!" but let's be honest here. Between work, taking care of a toddler, taking care of a hubby, cooking, cleaning, the ENDLESS laundry, and let's not forget about spending time with God (another post entirely for another day!), there just isn't a lot of time left in the day for exercise. I know I am probably making excuses, and the "experts" would tell me I am "no good to anyone else if I don't put myself first," but COME ON! IT'S NOT AS EASY AS THE "EXPERTS" SAY IT IS!!!!!! I feel better since I got that off my chest!! I will be the first to admit that I do not enjoy exercising. I do not like to sweat (or "glisten" or whatever else you want to call it!). Also, exercise seems so daunting, like I have to do sooooooo much of it to see any results in my weight, that I just give up. I know, excuses excuses! I'm just saying that regular exercise is a struggle for me, that's all.

Second, I have started some weird binge eating lately. Now, I'm not talking about eating for hours on end, but I can easily down a whole bag of chips these days. It's like I start, and I can't stop. For you psycho babble people out there (and I can be one too sometimes!) I am not trying to fill some deep-seeded issue in my life. I don't have unresolved issues from my childhood that make me overeat. I am happy with my job, my marriage, and my child. It's not to the point that I need to join Overeaters Anonymous (I don't think). More than anything, I think it is stress. For all the reasons I gave for not exercising, I give the same reasons for overeating. I think maybe I overeat out of stress. That is TOTALLY possible!! Oh, and then there's also an added financial stress these days, but that is also another post for another day.

Some days are better than others in my weight struggles. I joined Weight Watchers a few weeks ago (for about the 20th time in my life), but so far not much weight has come off. I think (no, I KNOW) I am not as committed to it as I should be. I just have no motivation. Why is that?!?! What is wrong with me?!?! I know part of my lack of motivation is that losing my weight seems like such a big mountain to climb. I know there are people in this world who have needed to lose a lot more weight than I need to lose, and they have been successful at it. For me, though, 30 lbs. seems like soooooo much. I try to break it down and only think about 5 lbs. at a time, but for me it takes a looooooong time to lose 5 lbs. My body really likes being fat!! Even when I try really hard and keep on track with my weight loss efforts, it can easily take me 1 to 2 months to lose 5 lbs. It can be very frustrating!!

One thing I know for sure. I CANNOT go on like this! I HAVE to get this weight thing under CONTROL! If for no other reason, I need to do it for Sydney. I mean, what kind of example am I setting for her?? Besides, I want to be around for her for a VERY long time, and I need to get healthy in order to do that. I figure posting about my weight issues may help me stay more accountable. Since my readers will know about my weight issues, and several of you see me on a regular basis, maybe I will do better with my efforts to lick this weight thing. I am open to any advice if you want to share that with me! I know I am not the only person who struggles with their weight, but right now it is on my mind A LOT, and I really want to get this under control! Thanks for letting me share, and I will post about my weight again from time to time to let you know how I am doing!!